Monday, February 2, 2009

Neighborhood Terminology: Lingo in Cohi

Over on Prince of Petworth another raging debate has fired up over neighborhood boundaries, nick names, and so on. I would like to settle this debate once and for all. Here is a comprehensive list of all the terms you you will need during your stay in Columbia Heights.

CoHi: Gentrified parts of Columbia Heights.

SoHi: The rest of Columbia Heights.

Holand: Short for Wonderland.

CoHo: A girl at Holand.

Targay: Where you buy everything in CoHi

Target: You, walking home from Targay after dark.

Fixie: Transportation used by CoHi residents, curiously rejecting 100 years of advances in gear and brake technology

Upper: Entertainment used by CoHi residents

Fixer-Upper: Home of CoHi residents.

Derbilicious: Breakfast burrito and bloody mary at Red Derby

Derbauchery: What you were up to right before you got thrown out of the red derby last night

Jack: A cigarette, usually someone else's. Usage: "Spare a jack?"

Jacked: What happens to CoHi residents who wear their iPods and send text messages while stumbling home at 4 AM

Jackass: New resident of CoHi who hasn't yet been jacked, and therefore wears their iPod and sends text messages while stumbling home at 4 AM

I think that about covers it.


Jezebel said...

You'll never catch me calling our neighborhood Tivoli North or NoCoHe or SoPiBra (soapy bra? really?) or anything ridiculous like that. CoHi is easy. Two syllables.

Jamie said...

SoPiBra! Yeah. Definitely something you find in the basement sink.

Of course, I usually just call it "the hood."

Anonymous said...

Pretty hilarious (if this is as tongue-in-cheek as I suspect it is). Why people have this NYC-based affliction for syllabic abbreviations is beyond me...everyone I ever knew there (I moved to philly in 07) always called it "the heights" (because clearly we weren't talking cathedral or capitol heights). Wonderland = the ballroom. Spot on about the "target" and "jacked"...amazing how ex-suburbanites fail to understand that taking an alley "shortcut" at 3am while drunk and on an ipod is a bad idea.

Finally, fixies in the heights? There weren't any before I left and, when I went back by the there a few times over this past summer, I saw maybe 1 or 2. Most people have gears b/c DC has hills, unlike philly, where fixies actually make plenty of sense.

IMGoph said...

jezebel: you'll never catch me calling the neighborhood cohi or anything ridiculous like that. it's called columbia heights, why the hell is it so difficult for lazy hipsters to say the whole damn thing?

Jamie said...

@JA: Definitely tongue in cheek :-) But without a doubt, there is an ever-increasing number of bikes with one gear and no brakes. I'll try to remember to take a picture of the bike rack outside Red Derby sometime. And then there's the motor scooters...

@IMGoph: I'm putting my money on the evolution of text messaging as the primary form of communication among hipsters. Must faster to enter cohi than spell out the whole thing.

c u in cohi!! gtg.

Anonymous said...

If I hear anyone say these words to me I will laugh in their face and tell them to get a life! Not only do they sound ridiculous, but noone knows what they are. The only one that is decent is Hoderland, but really, why would I go there to pick up a girl unless I want a scorching case of Herpes or BO.