Monday, February 9, 2009

Get Over It: You Can't Change Adams Morgan

In the category of "most boneheaded ideas of 2008" is the Adams Morgan taxi stand. The latest in an apparently never-ending series of futile attempts to civilize Adams Morgan, has been nixed after it unsurprisingly failed miserably. And a good riddance, I say.

I don't know the exact history of this idea, but it reeks of yet another hairbrained scheme from certain neighborhood activists who incredibly think they can turn Adams Morgan into a classy neighborhood. These are the same people who constantly whine about the trash and noise, who got a moratorium on new liquor licenses, the ones who vehemently opposed the bars staying open late during Inauguration Week. They complain about parking and tourists, despite the entire existence of Adams Morgan being predicated on a constant flow of tourists.

Listen up, girls. Adams Morgan is a partier. He's loud and boisterous, he has lots of friends, he likes to stay up late and get drunk all the time. He's the life of the party. That's why you were attracted to him in the first place, remember? Because he was the coolest kid and you wanted to be with him.

Well guess what. He's not going to change. Not for you, not for anyone. So now you've been dating for a couple years, and all those late-night benders just aren't as much fun as they used to be. You want to stay home and cuddle up in front of a movie, but he's out playing quarters with his buddies at 3 AM. You want to talk about paint colors, but he wants to play Guitar Hero.

I've got some news for you, sister. It's not him: it's you. He hasn't changed one bit - he's exactly who he was the day you met him. He's the same frat boy you used to think was so cool. It's you that changed, and you better believe he's never going to. Not for you and not for anyone.

So you've got two choices. You can accept him for who he is, or you can dump him and move on. Because men don't change and women do. So either learn to live with that big doofus that is Adams Morgan or move the hell out, because your puny attempts to change him will never succeed. Either quit your bitching, or call back that nice boy who had a crush on you, but wasn't quite cool enough for you back in the day. Sure, he's kind of boring, but he won't let you down and he'll do anything you say. You know, Cleveland Park.


Lee said...

This post is required reading for anyone who wants to date you.

Jamie said...

But I don't need to change, because I am already perfect. Ha ha!!

But really, don't you see? I don't live in Adams Morgan any more. I dumped her a long time ago. I have a new relationship with her younger, edgier sister, the lovely Miss Columbia Heights.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious post! So true for all the people who move there when they're young, and grow older and try to cut down on the very debauchery that made them want to move there.

lacochran said...

Well put.

It is amazing how people react when their expectations don't match the reality in front of them: change the reality!