Friday, June 13, 2008


This has been a big week for signs of the apocalypse. The shocking photograph which I am about to show you is the fourth post just this week that I have tagged as such. And there were a couple last week.

Well, today is Friday the 13th. So I supposed it's only natural that there should be a runoff of unholy events leading up to this pinnacle of evilness. But I digress.

What you are about to see is an undercooked hamburger that I purchased at McDonalds in Silver Spring, Maryland, for lunch yesterday. Before proceeding, I would like to respond in advance to the obvious criticisms that will be leveed against me.

1. Yes, I have read Fast Food Nation, and I don't care, McDonald's makes kick-ass fries.

2. No, I do not eat fast food every day or even that often. Unless you count bar food. But every once in a blue moon (or a Thursday the 12th), usually involving stomach-clenching starvation as a result of running for an hour on a really hot morning before work, I get that McDonald's craving, of the sort that you get several hours into a long car trip. It is hard to fight it once the grip takes hold.

3. Yes, this is a "Big 'n Tasty." I really don't have much excuse for that, I just felt like I needed a tomato to mitigate the otherwise total earthtoned greasiness of every other McDonald's sandwich. As it turned out, I got more red than I bargained for.

So here we are. And I warn you, this image may not be suitable for vegetarians or even fast-food lovers. This photograph has not been doctored in any way.

You can clearly see that the burger is not just pink in the middle (and even that would be shocking at a fast-food joint) but almost completely raw.

I realize most sane people would have tossed this thing in the trash and immediately induced vomiting. But the tentacle-like hold of McDonald's was stronger than I was. I took the pattie out and nuked it into brownness, and then ate the whole thing. There were several thoughts going through my mind, in this order:

1) This could be just the ticket to a big-corporation lawsuit that I've been waiting for. Early retirment, here I come. I considered eating it as-is.

2) McDonald's has fallen from grace. They used to be the pinnacle of fast-food consistency. We expect this sort of thing from Jack In The Box, even Wendy's. But not McDonald's.

3) Do I have any antibiotics left from when I stepped on a nail?

Well, nearly 24 hours later, I didn't get sick. I guess I'm going to have to keep the day job. But hopefully, McDonald's will still send me a large payoff to take this post down.


Anonymous said...

Came across your blog while googling sulgrave manor. looking to rent a one bedroom there. Would appreciate any advice you might have about the place. Pros? Cons?

Jamie said...

It's an old building. I thought it was a great deal, the apartment was huge and had a cool screened in porch. If you can live with an old kitchen (and no dishwasher) and like old charm (e.g. hardwood floors, interesting floor plans) then you should love it.

It looked like they were upgrading some of the units when I was there, so there may be some with more modern kitchens, and probably more rent. Personally I didn't care that much and it was a great deal for th e location and space compared to more modern apartments. I actually like the old charm a lot.

Not much bad to say about it; laundry room sometimes an issue (only three machines, one of which was broken a lot of the time I was there). I didn't have any real maintenance issues. It's a family owned & operated building. Mix of older longtime residents and young people. Convenient location.

I broke my lease early (bought a house) but found a tenant to take over my unit; they gave me back my security and let me off the hook with no trouble.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the information! Hope you are enjoying the Columbia Heights area, and good luck with the house.