Starvin' Marvin

I need to trust my gut more about places like this. I should have known better.

I've been to Marvin twice now. Once was a Sunday afternoon after brunch, because it was a nice day. The other time was last Tuesday meeting a friend for a drink, also because it was a nice day. In both cases we were lured by the prospect of the outdoor rooftop deck. It seemed an alternative to Local 16, which is about the trashiest pick-up joint in DC and not high on my list despite their large deck.

After my first drink last Tuesday, I remembered the problem I'd had from the first visit. The drinks. They are absurdly expensive -- and weak. I ordered a rail gin and soda. This is a drink which Wonderland sells for 2 bucks at happy hour. Marvin? $7.

Seven bucks for a rail drink is pretty outrageous. At least it seems that way, until you decide to switch to a top shelf drink, hoping they might actually put some alcohol in it if you pay the premium.

Another eleven dollars later, I had a Bombay Sapphire and Soda in my hand. Unfortunately, it too contained a virtually undedectable amount of gin. I didn't have my CSI kit on hand to test conclusively for the presence of alcohol, but I can say from experience, if there was any to be found, it was only trace amounts. Suddenly, the 7 bucks for a glass of soda water with essence of juniper seemed like a pretty good deal.

I don't think it's a lot to ask that when you pay 11 bucks for a drink, it have at minimum a standard pour. I then remembered how things had gone down on my first visit here on a Sunday afternoon.

I'd had had three gin & sodas that day before I noticed that I was experiencing none of the effects normally associated with such consumption. So I commented to the bartender about this, and asked if it might be possible to get more than a splash of liquor for my 11 bucks. The bartender without missing a beat said, "So, you want a double?"

Umm, no. I don't want to pay $22 for a double. Let's do some simple math here:

$11 for approx. zero ounces of gin
x 2 (double)
----------
$22 for approx. zero ounces of gin
=
Bad Deal

So, three drinks in, I left entirely sober and vowed never to return to a place that charges more than Palena for a mixed drink, yet doesn't see fit to actually provide any alcohol. Sorry, Marvin. Your trendy, yet oddly cruddy atmosphere is not worth paying strip club drink prices for.

I wonder if I'm missing the point. Maybe this is all a cover-your-ass scenario. Marvin is basically a higher-priced (yet equally skanky/hip) version of Local 16. There are probably lots of under-age college kids in there at any given moment. If they ever got busted for serving minors, they could simply argue that they hadn't actually served anyone any alcohol.

n.b. I discussed this situation with my friend Sara, who immediately confirmed from her own experience that Marvin short pours. She said you just can't get hard liquor there - always order beer, since they can't water it down or short pour. OK, fair enough. The beer's pretty damn expensive too, but at least you know what you're getting. But I still feel that on principle, why should I patronize someplace that is going out of their way to rip me off? Why should I try so hard to find a way NOT to get screwed at a bar run by cheapskates? Far easier to take my business to one of the many places in DC that actually isn't trying to screw their customers.

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Update ... made the blog log on 5/20. I know, it's silly, but I love this shit.