Friday, April 9, 2010

Get Your Future In The Bag!

costco_bagsMany people are concerned about the "bag tax" in DC. This communist program is a scourge that shackles us all, but what can we do about it?

I have both the answers to the "bag problem," and your financial security. I know you're wondering, how is this possible? How can you be your own boss, earn as much money as you want, and at the same time save the Anacostia River?

With your help, we can accomplish all these goals:

  • Clean up the Anacostia River

  • Liberate the residents of DC from the tyranny of the bag tax

  • Assure your financial security forever

Sounds crazy, right? But just give me a few minutes of your time, and I bet you'll be convinced.

Join my winning sales team!

For only $39.95, you can become an Associate in my unique Bag Upsell Program. Your starting packet includes 1,000 bags, with a street value of $50.00 (at 5 cents a bag), and promotional materials to help build your downline.

For each new bag sales associate you recruit into the program, you will receive $10.00, plus 10% of their downline sales. In no time at all, you will be receiving residual checks and living the American dream! Imagine working from home, as much or as little as you want, smiling all the while because plastic bags are working for you.

But how does this clean up the river?

Every bag we sell is impregnated with our patented BagEater nanotechnology. When a bag is exposed to water for an extended period of time, the bags break down, and releases the BagEaters. These amazing little guys then seek out and attack other plastic bags, reducing them to pieces of plastic small enough to be eaten by blue crabs. The more bags that end up in the river, the cleaner it gets! Honest! It's the future... today.

Why not just switch to reusable bags?

Because bags aren't just for carrying groceries!

Bags are sexy. You wouldn't like it if Big Brother took away your designer jeans, would you? Well, how come you'll stand for him taking away your bags? We should all be free to carry around any kind of bag we want. Don't let government tell you what's fashionable and what's not!

Bags help the homeless! Bags provide vital clothing and can-carrying services to DC's large homeless population. At five cents a bag, how could this man have possibly afforded to clothe himeself? Fight this discrimination against the homeless by ensuring that bags are available to all.

Bags for personal freedom! By building your network of Bag Sales Associates on sidewalks in front of grocery, liquor and Chinese/Italian/Mexican/Southern carry-outs throughout DC, you will be building your own financial security, while ensuring justice and liberty for all residents of DC.

Take the first step - join my program today. Only you can save the Anacostia. Only you can ensure your financial security in these uncertain times. Join today.

Visa, Mastercard, and Paypal accepted. No checks. No refunds. Estimates of future revenue streams do not constitue a guarantee. BagEaters may be unsafe for some or all organic life.


pixability said...

You really should have asked before posting that picture of me.

Jamie said...

I love a good bag lady...