Thursday, February 4, 2010

New Hobby: MPD Mailing List

I signed up for the 3D MPD mailing list yesterday. You may be asking yourself, "Self, really? He just signed up for it?"

Yes, it is shocking, that even after years of griping about DC government, MPD included, I have only now decided to read the daily arrests and so on. I just never really thought about it too much, since all the big stuff gets repeated in many other outlets, but this is pretty good reading. Besides, since one of my biggest pet peeves is lack of transparency in government, I feel obligated to read everything that we actually can see.

The downside, as I have discovered this morning, is that I get to see the startling number of arrests made each week in my neighborhood.

The upside is that some of these are awesome. I am not going to publish the names here - not because it's not public information, but just because I don't want this to be the only place that googling some thug's name will return.

Here are a few selections from yesterday's arrest roll call:


ARREST# : 031000666
DT-TM: 02-FEB-10 - 1625
LOCATION: 3200 BLK OF PINE ST NW - PSA: 302
SEX: M
OFFENSE: URINATING IN PUBLIC
TYPE: MISDEMEANOR
OFFICER: E ANZUETA


This actually makes me very happy. I didn't realize that with all the other crap going on around here that the police really dealt with nuisance crimes like this.


ARREST# : 031000656
DT-TM: 02-FEB-10 - 0108
LOCATION: 600 BLK OF S ST NW - PSA: 308
SEX: M
OFFENSE: UNLICENSED HACKER
TYPE: MISDEMEANOR
OFFICER: T SULLIVAN


"Unlicensed hacker?" First of all, I didn't realize we had a cyber-crime unit in DC. But beyond that, is there a process in which one can become licensed to be a hacker?

Okay, bad joke. But irresistible nonetheless.


The last one, however, is very disturbing. Very disturbing indeed.


ARREST# : 031000660
DT-TM: 02-FEB-10 - 0600
LOCATION: 1600 BLK OF V ST NW - PSA: 303
SEX: F
OFFENSE: JURY DUTY- FAILURE TO APPEAR
TYPE: MISDEMEANOR
OFFICER: J BRENNAN


I remember reading that, some time ago, they arrested a handful of people for skipping on juty duty. To make an example. In DC, since we have basically a 1-to-1 ratio of non-felons to felons, you get called for jury duty pretty much every two years on the dot. Apparently, a lot of people had gotten over it and the no-show rate was getting pretty high. Apart from it being illegal to do this, there was a juror shortage.

I skipped out on jury duty last time. I didn't do it on purpose. And I've showed up for every single one of the other 8 or 9 times I've been called since I've lived here. There was something complicated involving a move, mail being forwarded to the wrong place, and maybe a jade idol. Or was that a hangover? I don't remember the details. But I didn't realize I was supposed to be there until it was too late, so when I realized I'd skipped it, I just said "oh well."

Is officer J. Brennan going to show up at my door, haul my ass downtown, and throw me in the "jury duty evader" tank?

Is there a warrant out for my arrest? Should I present myself to the 3D substation and let the law have its way with me? Will this prevent me from ever voting again, receiving a security clearance, or getting a $200 economic stimulus check from a future Republican president?

When finally I saw the then-overdue jury duty notice, I figured they would send another one with a new date. Call me again. Like everything else that you get from the government and accidentally ignore, such as a parking ticket, notice of tax audit, or focus group invitation. But no. I never heard from them again. How long has it been now? More than a year. Has it been two years?

I can't live like this. I am going to turn myself in after I pick up a copy of The Secret. I will see you in 20 years.

4 comments:

Boomhauer said...

The Jury Duty guy probably was an idiot and skipped a day of trial. Some Superior Court judges get very, very cranky and will do things like issue bench warrants for your arrest.

Erin Skelly said...

My friend - a long-time DC resident - told me that they only arrest you for skipping JD if you get pulled over or something else when they have to pull up your record and it shows up there. They don't actually issue warrants and hunt skippers down. This guy was probably pulled over for a routine traffic violation or something else.

bothsidesofthefence said...

I signed up for the 3D listserv when I lived near Columbia Heights. Bad idea - but the digest was HILARIOUS. Comparatively, Columbia Heights crimes vs. Fairfax County crimes contrast starkly. Also, the narratives for the DC crimes are gold. They're worth a read if you get a chance.

Alex said...

It's amazing what goes on in the middle of the night in this city.