I signed up for the 3D MPD mailing list yesterday. You may be asking yourself, "Self, really? He just signed up for it?"
Yes, it is shocking, that even after years of griping about DC government, MPD included, I have only now decided to read the daily arrests and so on. I just never really thought about it too much, since all the big stuff gets repeated in many other outlets, but this is pretty good reading. Besides, since one of my biggest pet peeves is lack of transparency in government, I feel obligated to read everything that we actually can see.
The downside, as I have discovered this morning, is that I get to see the startling number of arrests made each week in my neighborhood.
The upside is that some of these are awesome. I am not going to publish the names here - not because it's not public information, but just because I don't want this to be the only place that googling some thug's name will return.
Here are a few selections from yesterday's arrest roll call:
ARREST# : 031000666
DT-TM: 02-FEB-10 - 1625
LOCATION: 3200 BLK OF PINE ST NW - PSA: 302
OFFENSE: URINATING IN PUBLIC
OFFICER: E ANZUETA
This actually makes me very happy. I didn't realize that with all the other crap going on around here that the police really dealt with nuisance crimes like this.
ARREST# : 031000656
DT-TM: 02-FEB-10 - 0108
LOCATION: 600 BLK OF S ST NW - PSA: 308
OFFENSE: UNLICENSED HACKER
OFFICER: T SULLIVAN
"Unlicensed hacker?" First of all, I didn't realize we had a cyber-crime unit in DC. But beyond that, is there a process in which one can become licensed to be a hacker?
Okay, bad joke. But irresistible nonetheless.
The last one, however, is very disturbing. Very disturbing indeed.
ARREST# : 031000660
DT-TM: 02-FEB-10 - 0600
LOCATION: 1600 BLK OF V ST NW - PSA: 303
OFFENSE: JURY DUTY- FAILURE TO APPEAR
OFFICER: J BRENNAN
I remember reading that, some time ago, they arrested a handful of people for skipping on juty duty. To make an example. In DC, since we have basically a 1-to-1 ratio of non-felons to felons, you get called for jury duty pretty much every two years on the dot. Apparently, a lot of people had gotten over it and the no-show rate was getting pretty high. Apart from it being illegal to do this, there was a juror shortage.
I skipped out on jury duty last time. I didn't do it on purpose. And I've showed up for every single one of the other 8 or 9 times I've been called since I've lived here. There was something complicated involving a move, mail being forwarded to the wrong place, and maybe a jade idol. Or was that a hangover? I don't remember the details. But I didn't realize I was supposed to be there until it was too late, so when I realized I'd skipped it, I just said "oh well."
Is officer J. Brennan going to show up at my door, haul my ass downtown, and throw me in the "jury duty evader" tank?
Is there a warrant out for my arrest? Should I present myself to the 3D substation and let the law have its way with me? Will this prevent me from ever voting again, receiving a security clearance, or getting a $200 economic stimulus check from a future Republican president?
When finally I saw the then-overdue jury duty notice, I figured they would send another one with a new date. Call me again. Like everything else that you get from the government and accidentally ignore, such as a parking ticket, notice of tax audit, or focus group invitation. But no. I never heard from them again. How long has it been now? More than a year. Has it been two years?
I can't live like this. I am going to turn myself in after I pick up a copy of The Secret. I will see you in 20 years.