Signs of the Apocalypse #223: Ping Pong Safety

From DCist, I find news of my old neighborhood. Little did I know that while I've been away, a dire public safety situation has been threatening this whitebread enclave. As shocking as this sounds, it's really true: there is outdoor ping pong playing on Connecticut Avenue.

ANC Commissioner Frank Winstead has carefully documented and Fox News-ified a video of the sidewalk in front of Comet Ping Pong. It indisputably shows people playing ping pong. To anyone watching this surreptitiously obtained video it seems possible, even likely, that a ping pong ball could enter the busy street, perhaps even hitting a car! I can only imagine the consequences should a ping pong ball, weighing perhaps one-half of one ounce, roll into the street or strike a moving vehicle. We all owe Frank a debt of gratitude for bringing this developing crisis to the public eye.




Don't be fooled by this idyllic scene. The innocent-looking ping pong table could be the greatest threat to DC public safety since the shotgun stalker.