Christmas Gift Ideas for the Kuato in your life

I can't explain it, but Total Recall just keeps coming up. Over the weekend, N. was browsing people.com and there was this "ugly celebrity baby" quiz. And man, was this one particular baby ugly. What struck me, though, was the striking resemblance the sinfully mugged child bore to Kuato, the stomach-prophet from Total Recall.

Without having even seen the movie, N. agreed with me, and put together this shocking photo diptych comparing the wretchedly ugly baby featured on People last week, and Kuato. Sadly, we could not find a link to the quiz from last week or even a copy of the original picture online. Since I have a mental block about celebrity names, I can't even remember whose child it is. So if anyone can ID this unfortunate creature I am interested.

Note the startling similarities including the larger-than-normal left eye, mutant grimace, and deformed outstretched right hand. Neither of these pictures has been altered in any way.

In a remarkable coincidence, I became aware today of the existence of the Peekaru, which takes the snuggie concept one step further. (Snuggies seem to keep coming up, too). Though advertised as a "fleece baby carrier cover", clearly, this product was inspired by Kuato.

Why shouldn't those people, whose lives have been shattered by life on Mars with limited oxygen supplies, be offered access to the same comforts as non-mutants? Clearly, the inventor of the Peekaru thinks they should. This poor child is cursed by the unavailability of an upper garment designed for a Kuato. Though he possesses supernatural powers than enable him to mind-meld with another, he still can't see through a shirt. He is doomed to live life under a button-down, trapped in the stomach of his host until it's time for him to urge someone to start the reactor and free Mars.

No more. Below, see the original Kuato emerging from the stomach of his host, and an image of how life might be for Kuato if his host had a Peekaru. I think you will agree, this is a dramatic improvement.





Important update: You MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO.