St. Patrick's Day Debacle
9:45 PM: Arrive home from work, completely exhausted.
10:00 PM: Identify frozen meal that is most likely to be edible.
10:05 PM: Start eating "Boston Market Chipped Beef Barbecue." Realize an error in judgment was made (see 10:00 PM entry).
10:10 PM: Turn on TV and begin watching a rerun of Stargate SG-1. It doesn't even have Richard Dean Anderson in it. Expect to get bored and/or annoyed in 15 minutes and be in bed by 10:30.
10:15 PM: Roommate and two friends show up. Let's just call these three "Larry," "Curly," and "Moe." Apparently they have spent the last several hours honoring the patron Saint Patrick at the local watering holes.
10:30 PM: Begin to tire of making fun of drunk friends. But now I am awake, and way too sober to hang out with the three stooges. Announce my intent to go to the bar to find more sober people.
10:40 PM: Exit house to go to bar. Curly decides to come with.
11:50 PM: Drink shot of Jameson and Jack & Coke.
11:55 PM: Drink shot of Jameson and Jack & Coke.
12:05 PM: Drink shot of Jameson and Jack & Coke.
12:15 PM: Bouncer finds me outside, where I talking to some comrades. He demands that I deal with my guest (that would be "Curly") who apparently is falling off her bar stool. I try to pretend I don't know her but he doesn't buy it.
12:16 PM: Call Larry. No answer. Call Moe. Moe picks up phone and agrees to coordinate extraction effort.
12:25 PM: Larry and Moe arrive. Curly, now mostly unconscious and shoeless, is in the process of being dragged from the bar on her heels. Larry and Moe take over and manage to get her out and into a car. Hilarity ensues.
12:30 PM: Crisis averted. Resume activities of around midnight.
***
8:45 AM: Where the hell am I? How did I get here? What day is it? WTF?
***
2:28 PM: My head hurts.
6 comments:
Glad you're all ok! A thoroughly entertaining and funny read - great post.
Poor Jamie. But thank you for the recap, because my recollection of last night is a little fuzzy. I think there were hats. I know there was Jameson. I blame the wonderful, surely toxic, green beer.
I had to leave out the best parts to protect the guilty. I liked my blog better when nobody I knew read it.
I will tell you later. :-)
"Announce my intent to go to the bar to find more sober people."
Was this before or after you went to the nursing home to pick up young chicks?
If you knew these clowns, it would make sense. Eh, well, as it turned out the bar was also pretty drunk, but you know... it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Before I'd had a single drink, while still at home, I called his girlfriend a high-priced whore. Then I corrected myself and called her a con artist. Not only did I manage get away with that without a getting my ass kicked, but they all thought it was really funny... yeah it was one of those nights.
Oh lord, I can only imagine.
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